Hello my darling little unclings. I hope you turkeys are enjoying 2021 as much as I am (no lie - I almost just typed 2016)! Why am I enjoying my 2016 so much? (K, that time I did it on purpose but wasn't it HILARIOUS!?) This year, so far, has been spent on these "Take Out" themed boxes, and booooooy howdy they were super fun to make! So fun in fact that I snapped lots of little photographs so I can make like tutorial blogs or something and we can all make Unco cookies together. Because the YouTube thing is just still way too daunting for me at the moment. It's going to happen okay!! Jeez! Every month with the third degree about the YouTube channel!
..................Whoa. I'm so sorry. We both said things we regret. Let's just forgive each other (not sure if I can forget just yet) and move forward with this relationship.
Anywhooooo, let's get back to the box because it's late and I still haven't even packed them up yet.
You may notice that you have a fortune sans cookie. This is unfortunately, the sad reality in which we live. I tried making them for two days and failed miserably. The ones I ended up with are the texture of plywood, and the fortunes rip in half when you try to crack one open. BUT they look cute, so I'm going to figure out something to do with them. Right now I'm thinking they would be great packing peanuts for the next time I need to ship something.
I think I must have been missing graphic design or something because I went hog wild with the UNCO packaging and labels and all that fun trash. I made so many stickers you guys. It was glorious!!!!
Alright so here's why I really wanted to write a blog about this box (other than to explain the fortune cookie fiasco): I watched way too many cookie competition shows over the holidays, and I got a bug in my butt about trying new flavors. So I did. I really hope everyone likes them (I like anything with sugar so sometimes it's hard for me to be a fair judge) and please please please give me any and all feedback! Just don't be a butthead about it. If they're gross I'll make you something else. Oh my god are we fighting again?!?
MOVING ON...
Here is the breakdown of my controversial new cookies:
Potato Chip Cookies
***Contain nuts
So these are basically an old fashioned pecan sandy but with a bunch of crushed up potato chips in them. Mama like....
The biggo boxes also got a dipped flavor. Half white/half dark chocolate sprinkled with course salt.
Rye Bread Cookies
These are what I am choosing to call a "Brookie". No, ...NOT after that blonde chick in 7th grade choir class with the sweet JanSport backpack – it's a combo of brownie and cookie! Yah big dum dum!! So I probably didn't invent this or make the name up, but it's all new to me.
Salami Cookies
I can't wait to post the little tutorial about these! Making meat dough is super fun and creepy. So these are a red velvet and vanilla sugar cookie swirl. Andy said tonight that they are the best cookies I've ever made. But he also eats peanut butter and tuna fish sandwiches. Again, I need a better flavor judge.
Bologna Cookies
You may recognize that color from the fortune cookie pic. YUP! These are fortune-less caakies (pretty sure I can claim credit for this name) they are like if a fortune cookie and an almond cake had a flat pink baby. These were box bonus cookies because... they're a stretch. I think they taste good though!!!! I think...
Bacon Cookies
Same flavors as the meat cookies but not swirled together.
Swiss Cheese Cookies
These are my fave. Just a plain sugar cookie, but it was baked with vanilla emulsion instead of extract. Can you tell the difference?? (Hint: I can't)
Burrito Cookies
***Contain nuts
Oh mommy these are a hefty cookie. The tortillas are my OG sugar cookie recipe with brookie bits mixed in. The burrito guts are a chopped up mess of Twix and Snickers bars, brookie bits, semi-sweet chocolate chips and powdered sugar. They're best warmed up (take the foil off first ya goon!!!!!!!) for about 15 seconds in the microwave and served with ice cream or hot cocoa or the UNCO brand sour cream. And if you don't have a microwave? Then I don't really know how to relate to you.
BUT WITNEY WHAT ARE THE CONDIMENTS MADE OF???????????
Hold yer horses I was just getting to that!
UNCO Sour Cream:
Mother Martha's Swiss Meringue Buttercream
Lort give me strength. This is my favorite frosting on the planet.
UNCO Mayo:
Still Swiss Meringue Buttercream
You deserved a little more.
UNCO Mustard:
Grandma Tim's Trusty Royal Icing
This is the same stuff used on all of my decorated sugar cookies
UNCO Wasabi:
Same Royal Icing
Just thicker. You know, like wasabi.... I don't have a lot to add to these descriptions.
UNCO Soy Sauce:
Vanilla-Almond Syrup
Pretty self explanatory I guess.
AAAAHHHHHHH Okay this is way too long. Love you guys all so much!!! For realzies, I'm sorry we fought!!
LOVE LOVE LOVE Wit